Life as we know it, is vile and vicious

This is for you guys so that you don't get bored! A little sneak peak at what I do to release rage~~

Remember, just because I use the names of my friends ( I ran out of ideas on names and decided to just use those that are here), doesn't mean I feel anything for the except for friendship, okay? THIS STORY WILL BE YURI and YAOI....with a couple of straights. So if you don't like it, don't read it

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Useless. That's what I am.

" Stupid! You can't get this simple equation right!" my father barked

Stupid? Yeah, I guess I am.

" You Buffoon! You don't even know how to do this properly?!" my mother shouted

Seriously, I did it just now. Those are leftover’s.

" Sano, why don't you stay a bit later?" a close friend asks

Because my mother comments on it and me when I come back a little late hurts my feelings. A lot.

" Sano! Fold your damn headscarf!" a teacher says

I'm only wearing it because the school asked us to. And I'm pretty sure that it hates me too. Just look at it, it goes crazy every time I try to make it better.

" Idiot! You can't even draw properly! You call this art?! This is shit compared to mine!" a person commented

Fuck them. Selfish fuck-tard. Who cares about your art? I'm doing mine happily and you're in my fucking way.

My name is Seiichiro Sano. I am 13 years old. I am a useless tomboy who looks and sounds feminine, not to mention being a short person who doesn't seem to be growing taller. Standing at 159 cm, I have to look up to many people, even if it doesn't really show when I'm near the older guys who are tall.

I have pimples on my face and back. I can't look like a proper guy no matter how hard I try. Most people don't accept me for who I am. If I could cut myself, maybe I'd already be doing it. But...there's no use for that. How the fuck am I supposed to explain it to the friends that are always by my side? The few that like me the way I am, accept me for what I am and want to be friends? What am I going to tell them?

" Oh, I've just cut myself cuz this world hates me, except you guys"

They'd go crying, I swear. Or just beat the shit out of me because I was harming myself.

Anything seems better than what I'm having now. This...stupid thing called depression in life. I hate it. Everyone expects me to be the best. The best student. The best daughter. The best child. The best artist. But no one really pays attention to what I'm feeling.

People don't realize that I tend to hide my feelings under a mask of monotone. An " I don't care" facade. I smile and blend into the crowd. I try my best to be myself in a world full of bitches and

bastards. But, what do I get out of it?

This.

This depression.

Bandar Country Homes is a boring place. Nothing much to do. Let's just place ourselves in Namimori, where there are some places like the shopping mall that you can actually go to on foot.

I walk along the peaceful road. It's quiet, the only thing making noises are the wind and leaves blowing to create a symphony that only a depressed individual can comprehend. I look at the sky, cold and grey. My hoodie flaps around and I am forced to zip it properly to prevent it from

flying away and making me suffer hypothermia. Brrr...That’ll be cold.

I blast my headphones with SID, Kenny G, On/Off, Wakashima Kanon, Linkin' Park, Simple Plan, The band Perry, F.T Island, the works. Currently, it's Otegami by SID playing, which makes me mellow out. It sooths my soul, carries it with the wind, taking it away from my body. I just walk pointlessly on a cold and windy autumn day.

Yeah. I'm starting to develop a mental disease, if you want to ask. I'm perfectly insane.

I reach the stairs that go up to Namimori Shrine. Wow...did I walk for that long? I decide to walk up there, for no particular reason. Maybe it’s because Rob Thomas's Lonely No More is playing. The trees have all turned a lovely shade of red and gold. At least to my rotten mind.

I climb up, legs burning and begging for mercy. I realize that I'm tripping on my cargo pants so fold them up to my shins. Cold air whips my legs and I inhale sharply. It's like daggers to my skin. But I like the pain. I can take it.

It's. No. Fucking. Biggie. I'm. Fine.

I guess my skin's sensitive. Or is it because I nearly scrubbed them off when I took my bath this morning out of frustration. Out of boredom. Out of Curiosity. Ha-ha. I think I need a

psychologist to look at me.

The shrine...is big. And cozy. And peaceful. I aimlessly look everywhere, like a brain dead zombie. As I walk, I find a few monks, wearing those cool robes that you see on Genjo Sanzo. You know, that blond priest in Sayuki. The one that always carries a gun. The look at me with interest. A rather tall one approves me...making me feel very puny.

" What is wrong child? I since that you are troubled" he asks me.

" I've just come here to...to..." I can't say anything so I ran away. I hear him call back for me but I didn't care. He'd probably tell me to repent or something like that. I've had my own share of sins. I'm not going to back down.

Ironically, Paramore's Ignorance is vibrating through my headphones. What a nice song choice. I find myself singing to the tune of the song, shouting it out. For once, I forgot about my worthless life and just put my head into running. Just running. Getting out of this hellhole I call life.

I finally reach the end of Namimori.

One more step, and I'm into Shimon. Great. If I go there, I'll have to deal with Kozato Enma, another Dame-person like myself. I look behind and see lights start to come up. I guess I've been out longer than I notice. One thing's for sure, I'm not going back home tonight. I'm never going home, back to boring Bandar Country Homes. Back to the house I've lived in for ten years. Back to...my old life.

I walk back, feeling chilly as the night creeps and darkness falls. I know that it's not safe. But, who can beat me? I'm in a state of mind that allows me to forget about everything and focus on something. If I did it on killing, I think I could go on for hours, despite being hurt. My mp3 player was still playing. It's amazing that the batteries could withstand this long. Kat-Tun's

Butterfly was playing.

Besides, I already disguised myself as a guy. My emo-ish hair was drenched in sweat because of the running. I had cut my hair at the usual place, asking the short Chinese dude to make a buzz cut at the sides and back so that it'd take longer for the hair to grow back. A long strip of my hair hanged on my forehead and down, slightly covering my left eye. I look totally like a guy for once.

Ha! If only Kyoko-chan and ThoAho could see me now. The dark chocolate hair that everyone liked was gone. It was now a bright orange. My eyes were mismatched, one blue and the other red. Yeah, I'm cosplaying my OC. So what? I did it so that no one would notice it was me.

Luckily I brought a sleeping bag in my bag pack and some snacks. Yay, I seem to have three packets of pocky, a packet of Cheerios, a packet of potato chips in BBQ flavor and some extras. Looks like the saving paid off. I'd survive my dinner now and brunch tomorrow. I look into my wallet and see the bills that I stole from my dad's pocket. I know, it's stealing but the man owes me some money and stuff so this considered fair and square.

Hmm...I could only survive a week even if I'm conservative...maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

To hell with that, I'm never going back. Kyoko-chan, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm going to leave you alone to face the world, more like I'm leaving myself to face to worls. You have Usagi-chan anyways. She's way better than I am. Man, for once, I'm glad that I don't have a boyfriend or a real girlfriend, since I liked Kyoko-chan but I couldn't tell her. They'd be sad. I don't want anyone to feel bad about me because, I don't deserve it. Their love. Their affections. Their passion.

I don't fucking deserve it.

I swear, it dropped a few degrees. I hope I don't get a cold. I pull my hood on and shove my hands into my pockets. It's cold. And I'm 100% miserable.

My breath starts to show, misty, creepy. This reminds me of a part of a cartoon I saw a long time ago. What was it? My Dad's A Rock Star? The main character and his friend go into a basement. The friend says that " People say that if you can see your breath, it means..." I forgot the rest. What a loser.

Arashi's Dear Snow plays now. It's nice. I never knew I had this song on my play list. I look up to the already dark sky, a few stars come into my vision. It's very beautiful. I wish I had a proper camera to take a pic of it.

I hum and sing along with the joyful song. At least to me it's joyful. Maybe I really need to see that psychologist after all...

As I turn into a corner, I bump into a rock hard abdomen and fall down. My head hurts. My headphones dislodge themselves from my ears and I notice how quiet it is.

" OY! HOW DARE YOU BUMP INTO OUR BOSS!" a man shouts. I grimace. It's been almost a day since I've heard a real voice and not just singing.

I look at him with low interest. Suits. Tall. Tattoo on neck and hands. Blond. Calvone's 10th, Dino Chiavarone

" Nah, it's okay! I don't think he did it in purpose, right ragazzo?" his voice resonates through the wind.

" I'm sorry" I whisper, getting up and brushing my hands against my pants legs.

" It's okay! What are you doing here all alone? It's dangerous!" he asks, worry lacing his voice.

Urgh. I don't deserve it

" I'm running away...from my old life and starting a new one" I say, my voice low and solemn.

Lower than it usually is.

" But, you’re freezing! I'm sure that your parents---" he begins to say, still using that worried

tone.

Anger laces my mind.

" My parents wouldn't give a shit about me! I bet no one really cares about me! Don't be worried about me, I don't deserve it!" I shout and run. Is this all that I'm good at? Running?

He calls out to me and runs after me. " Wait! WAIT!" his subordinates run after him.

I run as fast as my abused legs could go, headphones banging against my neck. I twist and turn in the unfamiliar neighbor hood.

Seriously, I'm not going to last for long if this keeps on. I'm already tired as it is. When I finally

look back, I saw no one running to me. Not a soul.

I look at a bridge. It has a bank and some land under it. I guess that's where I'll bunk for tonight. I tiredly walk there and collapse on the ground. I can't move. I can't feel anything. I slowly fall asleep, not caring about anything. My eyes flutter to a close.

I hope I don't get mugged.

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